When we can become effective in kindness, we can foster deeper connections with others and create positive environments.
In part 1, I defined kindness as a specific expression and action under the banner of love. I also considered the value of kindness within God’s family. In part 2, I want provide three problems that can hinder our efforts to be kind.
So, what are these three problems that prevent us from being effective in kindness?
1. We still have things inside us that haven’t properly been dealt with.
In Matthew 5:34-35, Jesus says, ‘For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. “The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.”‘
Our response to people, both in word and deed, comes from the things that occupy our inner world. Sometimes we entertain evil in our hearts. Other times we carry hurt and trauma from our childhood, specific hurtful instances and past painful relationships. It’s not that these are an excuse for unkindness but left unchecked; they can fuel bitterness, anger, jealousy and a desire to hurt others.
Part of learning to be kind to people is acknowledging past hurts, painful emotions and sins (For some of these, it might require seeing a professional counsellor to deal with them) and then filling our hearts rightly so that our hearts overflow with kindness.
Paul in Colossians tells us to do five things to fill our hearts rightly. He says:
- Think and see life from a heavenly perspective (Colossians 3:1-2).
- Accept your new identity in Christ and live from that identity (Colossians 3:3-11).
- Fill your mind with an accurate knowledge of Jesus (Colossians 1:15-20 & 3:10)
- “Let the peace of Christ be in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15). I take this to mean to let the knowledge of your salvation in Christ and your relationship with God dominate your life. That will, in turn, affect your relationship with others. That is why Pauls further says, “since as members of one body you were called to peace” (Colossians 3:15).
- “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly” (Colossians 3:16). This activity is more than just reading the Bible – which is essential. It is allowing the word about Christ to fill your life. So as you study the Bible, you should always ask, what is this passage of scripture teaching me about Jesus and how to love and follow him?
As you allow the things about Jesus to fill your hearts, you will find it overflows into actions and words that are kind.
2. We think that kindness means avoiding the truth.
Sometimes we avoid telling people what we think because we don’t want them hurt. And because we think it is kind, we periodically sweep things that should be addressed under the carpet. Now I’m not suggesting we reveal all our little hurts and annoyances to people. No, we need to be discerning and choose carefully the things that need to be brought up. However, if an issue is important and is in the best interest of others, then it needs to be expressed. Of course, some find it easy to speak for truth, especially when it Biblical Truth. Unfortunately, they often declare that truth harshly and angrily.
Years ago, when I was younger and very fired up about the Bible, I was outside my wife’s workplace waiting to pick her up. While waiting, one of her work colleagues passed me and recognised that I was Kristina’s husband. It turns out that she had faith in Jesus, and quickly, we got into a conversation about the Bible. When Kristina finally came out, she was horrified to discover that I was in a full-on argument with this lady. Was I speaking the truth to her? From my perspective, I was. However, upon reflection, I realised I was far more interested in being right and winning the argument than caring for this person. I still could have spoken the truth but done so through means of kindness and a genuine concern for her wellbeing.
So, kindness without a willingness to share the truth can actually be unkind and hypocritical. However, truth without kindness and love can be hurtful, cruel and damaging. When kindness and truth are combined, we can anchor people in reality and provide them with helpful instruction in the right dose.
Proverbs 3:3 says, “Let not kindness and truth leave you, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and a good reputation in the sight of God and man”.
Similarly, Paul in Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ.”
So, if we are going to be effective at being kind, we need to be willing at times to speak up and tell the truth.
3. We lack empathy.
Sometimes we struggle to be kind towards each other because we lack empathy. Empathy is the ability to consider things from another person’s perspective and to feel, to some degree, another person’s pain. Empathy is what gives us the ability to care for others.
Whenever we tell someone to “get over” their problems, look down on them because of their situation, or criticise them without taking the time to listen, we set ourselves up to be judgmental, uncaring, and unhelpful. However, when we take the time to see life through another person’s eyes, we find the ability to be compassionate and motivated to behave in kind ways.
The greatest demonstration of empathy was the willingness of Jesus to come to earth and to live as a human. He gave up glory to take on dust. Because Jesus was willing to do this, we now have an incredible advocate in heaven who sympathises with our weaknesses and is ready to provide grace and kindness to us. In Philippians 2:6- 11, Paul says of Jesus, “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knew should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father”.
In Hebrews 4:14-16, we read, “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Jesus’ ability to empathise with humans allows Him to sympathise with us and help us when we need it. So, likewise, when we empathise with others, especially other Christians, we will be moved to be merciful, loving and kind.
Conclusion
Kindness can be defined as love in action. It is part of the fruit of the Spirit and is, therefore, a Christian behaviour. However, to be effective in kindness, we need to ensure we empty our hearts of sin, process (as best we can) past trauma, and fill our hearts with things that pertain to Christ. We also need to be willing to couple kindness with truth-telling and develop the ability to be empathetic.
When we can become effective in kindness, we can foster deeper connections with others and create positive environments. Of course, deep relationships and a positive atmosphere within congregations allow people to feel accepted and provide a sense of belonging to God’s family.
