Some of you who are reading this article are hurting. Maybe you are hurting because of some uncontrollable event, but mostly, you are hurting because of the poor choices that you have made in life. It might even be that those choices triggered a chain of events that have left you addicted to various substances, in trouble with the law, dealing with broken relationships, suffering mental illness or even on the verge of homelessness. And to top it off, the shame of it all continually sparks new cycles of negative behaviours that keep you locked into a state of crisis.
Friends, I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I also want you to know that God still loves you and wants what is best for you. And I want you to know that there is hope and a way to more peace and stability in your life.
What I am speaking of is a Biblical process and a framework that can may help to change course and journey towards wholeness and wellbeing.
Now I am not suggesting that the process is easy, nor am I suggesting that all your problems will be resolved if you take this path. However, perhaps it will help nudge you towards making helpful decisions.
So what can you do when your life has fallen apart through poor decisions?
1. Honestly assesses your situation and decide if you are ready to change.
Change is hard. And it is often made harder because of our preference for what is familiar. And even if we know it makes no sense to stay in a painful situation, we would sometimes rather put up with that than face the uncertainly that often comes with change. When I think about that, what comes to mind is the invalid man that Jesus encountered at the pool of Bethesda (John 5:1-15). This man had a terrible life. He couldn’t walk, strive for meaningful goals, pursue a vocation, and he couldn’t participate in the usual ways of society. Instead, he spent his days living next to a pool, barely able to move and living in the hope that somehow, he could make it into the water at the right time, thinking that it had some healing ability when the water stirred. With all that this man had suffered, surely it was obvious that he was ready for change. Yet what gets me about this account is Jesus’ question to this man. He asked him, “Do you want to get well?” Jesus knew that intellectually this man probably wanted to get better. But, He also knew that until this man assessed his situation and decided that he really had had enough of it, he wouldn’t be ready for change. After all, the pain that this man was suffering had been with him for thirty-eight years. And as much as he might have hated it, at least it was something familiar to Him.
Once the man indicated he was ready, Jesus healed him. Now I am not suggesting to anyone that Jesus will fix your problems instantly if you finally decide you are ready to do what it takes to change your life. I am only drawing your attention to the question that Jesus asked. Do you really want to get well? Until you can honestly assess your circumstances and reach a point where you don’t want it anymore, you will always gravitate back to the same old familiar lifestyle, choices and toxic relationships. However, if you have had enough and are ready to brave the unknown that comes with change, you might have a real chance of living a life that leads to freedom and joy.
2. Slow down and start making decisions in view of the long-term gain for yourself and others.
Poor decision making often comes from having the wrong values, haste and short-term thinking. Unfortunately, these things can often trigger the snowball effect where initially your troubles may start small but become enlarged and difficult to stop due to your continual quick decisions and temporal fixes.
The good news is that with a little bit of thought, patience and long-term thinking, you can begin to make better decisions that create a different type of snowball – one that leads to wellbeing and a meaningful life. The trick is to slow down, clarify what is important and begin to make decisions that lead to long term benefits. As Proverbs 19:3 says, “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way”. Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty”. The person who plans and thinks about the long-term gain will not be so eager to buy into quick and temporal fixes.
3. Flee toxic environments and harmful influences.
As humans, we are influenced by our environment and the people with whom we surround ourselves. That means if you are in a toxic situation and around people who are unsafe and have terrible morals, you will be affected and influenced by these. As Psalm 1:1-2 says, “Blessed is the man who does walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the Law of the Lord, and on His Law, he meditates day and night”. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, Paul says, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character”. Unless you flee toxic environments and harmful influences, you will always get dragged back to the same old problems and patterns of behaviour that you are desperate to escape. Your best chance is to flee and find a healthy environment and safe, sensible people who can steer you towards productive living. One place where you are likely to find such people is a local church. If you are struggling with addiction, perhaps that includes signing up for a community recovery or rehabilitation program.
4. Flood your mind with wisdom.
Behind the creation of this universe and all of the laws that govern it is God’s wisdom. If we ignore wisdom, we invite into our life excessive chaos, disorder and pain. However, if we learn to live by God’s wisdom, we begin to find stability, security and the potential to live beautiful lives. Of course, that doesn’t mean that our lives will be free from troubles – we will still need to contend with this sin drenched world – but it will help us to avoid much of it and help us thrive emotionally and spiritually despite them (Psalm 1 & Matthew 7:24-27).
So how do you find such wisdom? In general, you find it by seeking God and His word with diligence and respect. More specifically, you discover it in the life, teachings, character and work of Jesus Christ since He is the embodiment of God’s wisdom (Colossians 1:15-29 & 2:2-3). In addition to these, find people who can provide you with helpful advice and wholesome counsel (Proverbs 15:22).
5. Accept God’s gift of salvation.
You will continually struggle to get your life back on track when you are carrying guilt and shame for the wrongs you have done and the mess you have made of your life. The problem is, the more you try to keep making up for all the things you have done, the more likely you will feel the weight of it all and revert to old habits. Thankfully you don’t need to make up for every wrong to start again. Instead, you need to accept God’s loving and gracious gift of salvation that he offers you in Jesus. You see, Jesus came to help you. Jesus came to set you free from the burden and mess of sin. Jesus came to allow you to start again. Jesus came to take on all of your sin and brokenness by dying on the cross. Yes, Jesus, in His suffering and death, takes the consequence of your sin and offers you the opportunity to be right with God and to enjoy a new beginning. As John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, the He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life”. Romans 8:1, “There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”.
God’s gift of salvation is available to you, but you have to accept that gift. And you do that by believing in Him, turning away from sin, confessing Him as your Lord and being baptised in His name. When you receive salvation, your sins are washed away, you receive God’s Holy Spirit, you enjoy fellowship with God and His people, and you begin to live in anticipation of a glorious future where the pain and problems of this life are no more. What about receiving that gift today?
6. Become a grateful person.
Part of what creates a cycle of destruction in our life is selfishness. When you live to satisfy your needs and wants with the expectation that others exist to serve you, you will wind up an emotional black hole. That is, you suck all you can out of life and the people around you but remain unsatisfied and never able to contribute to the good of others or the world. In this state, you will never find joy or freedom from your woes. However, there is an antidote – gratitude. Gratitude turns you from being an emotional black hole to someone who is satisfied in life and has the inner resources to consider the needs and concerns of others. It opens your eyes to see God’s blessings, lets you appreciate the generosity of others, allows you to find gems in the worse of circumstances and gives you the ability to savour the good. It also grants you the ability to be generous to others.
Gratitude is then a crucial key to wholeness, wellbeing and productive life (Romans 1:21, Ephesians 5:20 & Philippians 4:6).
Final Thought:
Although you may have made a mess of your life through poor decisions, there is a way back to some level of peace and stability. It’s not an easy path but it can be taken. In order to take this path, you need to decide you are ready to change, slow down and take actions that lead to long term gain, flee toxic and harmful situations, flood your mind with wisdom, accept God’s gift of salvation and become a grateful person.
