There is nearly always a way through a congregational impasse with the right attitude, effort and wisdom.
When God’s people are at their best, they work well together, are loving and move forward with unity. However, congregations are not perfect and, they can often find themselves struggling to get along as they deal with various issues and make decisions about the best way to move forward. There are many reasons why this can happen. For starters, even though Christians are forgiven, they still struggle with sin. In addition to this, Christians are often at various stages of spiritual maturity. They also have different personalities, varying personal preferences, diverse experiences and can sometimes struggle to manage their emotions. All this to say, at times churches can find themselves painfully stuck and at an impasse. Unfortunately, the longer the impasse lasts, the greater the likelihood that frustration and anger will increase. In addition, various cliques can develop along with a lot of behind the scenes discussions. All of this can destroy unity while disrupting the spiritual and emotional health of members. It can also hinder the work of the kingdom.
Of course, if there is doctrinal error or sin, then it needs to be confronted. However, it seems that in most congregations, particularly when you dig a bit deeper, congregational impasses are rarely due to doctrinal errors.
So the question is, is there any hope for congregations when they find themselves stuck and unable to make progress? It may be hard to navigate but with God’s help, a dose of humility, a willingness to practise Christlike love and discernment, I believe that most congregations can work through these impasses and even deepen their relationship with each other as they work together to serve the Lord.
So how then can we overcome congregational impasses?
- Be willing to acknowledge your faults in the situation and also be willing to forgive others for theirs.
Often congregational impasses are the result of hurt feelings due to the way something was expressed. Even if you present the right solution to a problem or give sound advice, it may fall on deaf ears when stated aggressively or in an outburst of anger. Once people are offended and hurt, they may lock themselves into a position and become immovable even if it is unreasonable for them to be so. It might also be that they begin to reciprocate the aggression stirring up your emotions and forcing you to maintain your position as well. At this stage, the only way forward is for someone to step back and ask themselves, how have I contributed negatively to this situation? Maybe you need time to process your emotions before considering this question. However, once you have identified the moments where you might have overstepped the mark and been unloving, the most helpful thing you can do is to apologise for those things. As Jesus says in Matthew 5:23, “if you are offering you gift at the altar and there remember that you brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift”. In other words, don’t wait for your brother or sister to come to you but rather take the initiative, go to them and sort it out. That doesn’t mean you necessarily take full responsibility for the situation. Nonetheless, you can admit and seek forgiveness for the behaviours you know contributed to the situation. It might even be that you apologise for the tone and the way you spoke rather than what you said. Of course, it could be that the other person chooses to hold a grudge and refuses to forgive. In this case, you can be at peace that you have done your best to make things right and to please God (Romans 12:19). Having said that, in a majority of cases, a simple acknowledgement of where you went wrong can help settle emotions and get beyond impasses caused by offense. At the same time, when someone apologises to you for their role in any conflict, you need to remember the forgiveness you have received from God and forgive them (Colossians 3:13-14). - Ask yourself, “Do I really need to win this argument or be proven right in this situation?”
Another consideration when dealing with congregation impasses is whether you are fighting for something that doesn’t really matter in the larger scheme of things. I mean, some things are just not worth losing a brother or sister over. In 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, the Apostle Paul expresses his horror at the thought that Christians were taking each other to a secular court rather than solving things themselves. By doing this they were displaying to the world ungodly behaviour. Paul thought it was better to accept injustice or wrong from a brother than do this. Paul knew that there were just some things more important than winning a fight. Not every solution or idea you suggest carries the same weight of importance. Likewise, just because you don’t prefer something doesn’t mean you should vehemently object to it either. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is to pick your battles. - Make sure you are working on the right problem.
Another area that can cause congregations to become stuck is working on the wrong problem. When you work on the wrong problem you can end up producing a set of solutions that are completely irrelevant to the situation. You also remain blind to truly helpful solutions.
One reason we sometimes end up working on the wrong problem is that we simply haven’t gathered enough information about a situation or sought the right professional advice. Proverbs 13:16 “Every prudent man acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly”.
Another reason we focus on the wrong problem at times is that we have failed to listen well to what someone else is saying. Because we misunderstand them we end up offering solutions that are unrelated to the real issue. Learning to listen with understanding is a skill that all those who seek to be mature in Christ need to develop. As James says “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. I personally have failed at times to listen well. However, the times I have succeeded at listening came because I put aside my own agenda and gave the other person my full attention. Aiding this was my use of clarifying questions and summary statements.
A third reason we may end up working on the wrong problem is we consider it through a narrow frame. A narrow frame can limit the amount of possible solutions and therefore make us unable to see a way forward. This can happen when we are too eager to solve an issue, which especially happens where there is a lot of emotional anxiety. Often people are so quick to find relief for their ill feelings that they jump at solutions even when they are not helpful. Proverbs 19:2 says “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way”. It is better to take a little extra time and calmly analyze problems considering them from difference perspectives. Some useful questions to ask when doing this are: Is this really a Biblical matter or one of personal preference? Is this the real issue or just a symptom? What is the advantage or benefit to solving this? What is it that we really need to achieve here? How are we going to feel about this decision 10 years from now? Who is going to be impacted by this the most? Is this the best way we can serve God’s kingdom? Asking questions like these can help congregations discover the right problem and maximize the number of possible solutions. Solutions that might side step congregation impasses. - Find a way to protect people’s conscience while moving forward.
When it comes to people’s conscience, the Bible tells us that we need to be sensitive and loving (Consider Romans 14:1-23). Having said this, sometimes we are so sensitive towards others conscience that we end up allowing their weaknesses to block ideas and activities that can be good for the overall health of a congregation. Providing that what we are hoping to do is not sinful, unbiblical or too controversial, you can usually find a way to move forward with a solution or activity while protecting people’s conscience with a little effort and creativity. One way to do this is to ask, how can we continue with our activity without breaking or offending the conscience of others? Such a question is respectful and can be used to invite participation from those with a weak conscience. It also aims to protect them but at the same time pushes everyone to think outside the box to come up with a way forward. Speaking of boxes, one example of this type of outside of the box thinking involved a congregation where there were some who felt it was sinful to use the Sunday collection to help people who weren’t Christian. The church could have gotten into endless Bible discussions and debates but instead opted for an alternative. They came up with a way to still help people who are outside the church while respecting those who had conscience issues about the use of the church treasury. The answer, when an opportunity or need came to help those who were non-Christian, they had a separate collection using a box that they would place at the back of the building. By doing this, they provided individuals with the opportunity to contribute to the cause if they wished and at the same time it kept the normal Sunday collection for matters in line with people’s conscience. - Note the obstacles but be prepared to move forward in faith.
Nothing can keep a congregation stuck and from progressing forward in healthy ways like fear. Fear is a great immobiliser. Often our fears are irrational. Other times our fears are well-founded. However, even if the obstacles are valid, it might be still appropriate to move forward. The children of Israel often had moments when they faced obstacles and found themselves stuck. As the children of Israel were getting ready to enter the promised land for the first time under the leadership of Moses, they let the fear of giants in the land of Canaan prevent them from pursuing God’s purpose for them (Numbers 13:26-14:16). Was the threat of the giants real? Yes. However, rather than comparing the giants to themselves, they should have compared the giants to God. That is something David did when he confronted Goliath. While the Israelite army was stuck in fear because of Goliath and would run every time he showed himself (1 Samuel 17:11,24), David chose to confront Goliath with faith (1 Samuel 17:48). So while it is good to recognise and note obstacles when they arise, we should never let them paralyze us from moving forward for God. That means that whenever we find ourselves at an impasse because of fear, let us note the obstacles. However, if the cause is right, let us not let those obstacles keep us stuck but rather let us overcome them by moving forward with faith.
Conclusion:
Congregational impasses are not pleasant but if we are willing to acknowledge our faults, forgive, pick our battles, choose the right problems, work around weak consciences and step forward in faith, we give ourselves the best chance of becoming unstuck and able to achieve great things for the kingdom of God.
